


under the sunset

by cvtqr



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Emotional, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 21:28:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29814642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cvtqr/pseuds/cvtqr
Relationships: Bertolt Hoover/Reader
Comments: 1
Kudos: 26





	under the sunset

the dim light from bertholdt's lantern lit up the pice of paper sitting in front of him. something he had to do in secret, away from reiner and zeke. thoughts captured his mind in a twirl as they flooded through his brain. would this just make everything worse? he figured you probably never wanted to hear from him again, speak to him again. but something in him wanted to give you an explanation. you probably felt used, like everything was just a lie... you used as a pawn for information. but bertholt knew that wasn't the case. he loved you, loved you so much that it physically hurt him knowing how you were probably feeling. 

as he hesitantly picked up the pen off the small desk, he felt his hand shake as he placed down the first letter.

_my y/n,_

"y/n, i think you should get up today." jean leaned down to your eye level, as you shoved yourself back into the push pillows on your bed. "tell the captain i'm still sick.. please." 

he gently brought his hand up to the top of your head, lightly brushing the hair out of your face. "you can't lock yourself in here all day... please, y/n. it's not healthy." 

you knew that he was right in a sense. it's been about a few weeks since everything ended. it was so much, just thrown in your face. they expected you to just move on, move on from everything weighted on top of you. from the day on top of the wall, to everything after that. you don't know what happened after eren and ymir were captured. the explosion on top of the wall gave you a head injury, you couldn't go on the rescue expedition. to your friends, that was a good thing. personal feelings would just get in the way.

it all happened just in the blink of an eye. you were on top of the wall, it was all normal. bertholdt loved and cared about you... he couldn't... he wouldn't. isolated from the rest, you snugged yourself into his arms, taking in the scent that could be ripped away in any moment.

_"i'm the armored titan, and he's the colossal."_

overhearing the conversation going on just inches away from you, your body tensed up. you you caught off guard, couldn't believe what you just heard. bertholdt only held you tighter, he knew he would never be able to do this ever again. he just wanted one more second of your presence. but that wasn't the truth. he didn't want to leave you, not now, not ever.

as the conversation increased, you knew... even though you were still in denial. you were peeled of bertholdt, kicking and screaming as sparks few around the two boys. the blade through your lovers neck sent you off the edge. in that moment you didn't care what would happen to your position in the scouts, you just wanted to be with bertholdt. as he looked over to you with teary eyes, he choked out a scream,

_"y/n, get far away!"_

the grip on his throat and the small mummer of _'i'm sorry'_ was the last you ever saw of him. the explosion happened right before your eyes, sending you flying backwards. that's when everything went black. it was dark, you were alone. truly alone. 

you woke up three days later in a hospital bed, hanging on by a thread. everyone close to you in the room blamed bertholdt, but you knew it wasn't his fault... no... none of this was. the impact on your head caused you a bunch of time out, you couldn't even stand up properly for days. 

but in the present today, you knew it was time. the only person you've talked to since you moved into the small house with the levi squad, was jean. he brought you food everyday, made sure you got up and cleaned yourself off once in awhile. but you knew you couldn't hide forever. 

dragging yourself to sit up, jean sat pushed himself backwards. he didn't want to make you uncomfortable. you reached your arm out to him as he stood up, taking your hand into his. helping you up onto your feet, he guided you out into the kitchen. that night you all ate together. it was nice, you missed everyone. but a part of you was still gone. a knock on the door startled everyone. 

slipping a handgun into his pocket, levi made his way over to the door. he was met with a messenger, one of the only people who knew the location of the house. 

"i have a letter for y/n" the young man held the letter out to levi. 

"from?" the older man took the letter into his hand, inspecting the envelope. 

"was not specified. i examined it though, without reading it of course, but there's nothing in there that would do any harm to anyone." giving the messenger a nod, levi shut the door in his face, dropping the letter in front of you. 

"maybe from your parents or something, if there's anything else, a threat of something, you better let me know _brat."_

finishing up your dinner, you excused yourself back into your room, filled with anticipation to open the letter. there was nothing on the envelope, and when you opened the package it was just a plain piece of paper.

_my y/n,_

_i'm sorry. i'm so sorry for everything. things were never meant to go that way and i hate myself for it. i hate it so much knowing how much i probably hurt you. i don't even know if yours live right now, reading this letter, and its eating me alive._

_by now you probably have an idea of who this is. i understand if you want to close this paper and throw it out. you don't have to hear me out, but i feel like i owe you an explanation. i'm such a piece of shit though, shitty boyfriend, shitty warrior, shitty friend, i just ruin everything._

_when i met you, asked you out under the sunset, i made a promise to myself. i wouldn't ruin what we have. i wouldn't hurt you, i would protect you. i still want to, i want to so bad. i have a clear idea of what will happen inside the walls in the future, and more than anything i want to protect you from that. i want to come **home,** my home is with you. all i want is to protect you from everything, everyone. i only need you to be happy with myself. _

_i know for a fact you're going to find so much about me and my people. apparently you islanders are smart, no surprise there. when you find out about all that, how i'm supposed to view you. please know that that isn't true. you aren't like them, like anyone else. i never viewed you differently, never. heck i even had to hide from annie my true feelings from you, she thought i was just using you. but know that i wasn't. i never viewed you as a devil. from the moment i laid my eyes on you, i knew that you were an angel._

_i loved you so much. no. i still do._

_i love you so much y/n. and if you're reading this, please... stay safe_

_with much love,_

_bert_

your eyes scanned the page multiple times, rereading, and rereading. under the sunset? now that you think of it, you couldn't even remember the night bertholt asked you to be his girlfriend. after the injury, you knew you loved bertholdt, but for some reason... you couldn't remember any of your moments. 

the rest of the group knew that already.

_in a few months you probably wouldn't even remember this day with the newly awakened brain injury._


End file.
